I frowned up into his face, my throat painfully tight. “What do you mean?” 

“I can’t go home, Lyra. Ever.” 

“Why?” He stared at me as he battled himself. “Jack?” 

Could I stay and play violin here with Jack… is that what he was saying, that he didn’t want me to leave? But why? 

“You’re my teacher, you’ve told me numerous times. You’ve made the way you feel about me perfectly clear. Since I’ve been here you’ve acted like you don’t know me. Why would you want me to stay?” 

Jack dropped his head, a small huff of breath exhaling through his nostrils. “Because I always want what I can’t have. You should know that by now.” 

It all made perfect sense. I’d always be a toy to Jack. Little Lyra Bird, too afraid to fly. 

“And you can’t have me.” 

“Don’t you see, Lyra. I. Can. Never. Have. You.” 

It should have hurt. Even after everything that had changed, the stretch of time that had bridged from then to now. Strangely it didn’t. 

“You don’t want me.” I nodded. 

I turned to leave, but Jack caught my hand, reeling me back in. 

His fingers cupped my face, his nose skimming along the edge of my cheekbone, trailing a pattern it used to know. Then slowly, he pressed a kiss against my cheek. A taste of a kiss. My stomach tightened three knots. I waited with baited breath, suspended in the moment, waiting to see what he would do next. “I’ll get you back to campus if you don’t want to stay here for the rest of your shift. 

I pushed my palms flat against his chest, shoving him back. “No way. This is my job. If you don’t like me being here, you can leave. Go drink more bourbon, yeah? Don’t think I can’t smell it on you.” I stalked for the door. “You know what, Jack, I always thought you were nothing like your dad, but now I’m seeing it for what it is. Maybe you are just a controlling bastard too.” 

It was a low blow, but in the moment it made me feel better, victorious, vanquished. Once he’d walked away from a little girl. She was long gone.